Returning to Work with a Young Baby: The Advice I Wish I’d Found
Article by Louisa Kraitzick, Partner, Pead Communiations Agency
When I was pregnant, I searched for a playbook on how to return to work relatively quickly after having a baby. As a business owner, I knew I wouldn’t be taking ‘the usual’ amount of time off, and I wanted to find stories from women who had put the puzzle pieces of motherhood and work together in non-traditional ways.
But there wasn’t much out there.
So, I’m writing the article I wish I’d stumbled across – practical advice for anyone considering an early return to work after a baby. Plus, maybe it’s useful for some employers and maybe it inspires some people to share their tips.
Be warned, this is the practical advice I wish I’d read. So, strap in for feeding, sleeping, post-birth recovery and everything in between if you decide to read on.
The advice of all advice
Maybe this is a cop out because by the time you are pregnant this is usually pretty locked in. But the number one thing that changed the course of everything this year is my husband. Having a shared vision for your family’s life and a partner ready to be hands on is a game changer. So, partner well people!
Plan, But Stay Flexible
I did a lot of soul-searching about when to return. My business felt like my firstborn, and I couldn’t imagine stepping away for long. I made a detailed plan before my leave – who was going to do what? When I’d start picking things back up. But the reality is, you can’t predict how you’ll feel or what your baby will need.
My advice: stagger your return if you can. I started with going in for specific meetings at two months, then had set office hours from three months and gradually increased them. This approach made the transition much smoother.
I broke the first year into four sets of three months. That helped me plan around Ethan’s growth and development. It also meant I could adapt things as I learnt what worked for us.s
Making Accepting Help Your Superpower
You might be lucky to have amazing people around you (like me) who are willing to do practical things to be helpful. If that’s the case, make accepting their help your superpower.
But it isn’t just about the help of people. It can be the help of readymade meals, the help of online shopping, the help of any convenient stuff you can get your hands on.
You might be a go getter at work, but now is not a season of your life to go get everything yourself.
I’d really advise thinking what can be outsourced and what will make your family’s life easier (for me it was a fair bit different than the usuals of a cleaner and ongoing ready-made meals).
Work-Life Boundaries
I’m rubbish at work-life boundaries. It bleeds together and I embrace that. But I focus on what moves the dial. My job could easily be 70 hours a week, so I’m ruthless about priorities.
When disruptions happen (sick baby, childcare issues), communicate early and often. But also set the expectation from early on that you and your partners need to figure this stuff out together. It literally can’t all be on you, unless you have lots and lots of hired help.
Don’t Become Thee Expert
Be intentional about partnership. Don’t become thee expert in your baby and unintentionally alienate your partner. Include them in decision-making and give them space to figure things out from day one.
I found it quite easy to go into work / problem solving mode. But this is a whole other ball game, and it requires the both of you.
It was a game changer for both of us when my husband started doing a day a week solo with our son.
I actually think it must be harder when one person stays home for a long period of time, and the other doesn’t get long stretches on their own to learn how to look after their baby.
Obviously, we’re fortunate to have a set up where my husband could do this. But it wasn’t without sacrifice and weekend work for him. But it’s been worth an immeasurable amount, and our son’s life is enriched by having one-on-one Dad time.
Feeding, Sleeping, and Baby Logistics
I highly recommend reading Smart Mothering by Dr Natalie Flynn. Even if you do it like me, when your baby has arrived and you’re racked with irrational guilt over some decision that feels earth shattering at the time (spoiler alert, that’s the post-partum hormones, not reality).
Smart Mothering is a great New Zealand book that lays out research about all things babies without judgement and leaves you to make decisions.
Feeding: If you’re going back early, your baby will need to take a bottle The alternative is to have them brought to you when they need to eat. But in my case, I had a snacker for a baby and that just wouldn’t have worked.
The consistent advice I got from lactation consultants was to introduce a bottle at three weeks – not too early, not too late – and then at least a bottle every day.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for medication to support lactation if you need it. Your baby will be more effective at getting milk than a pump. So, if like me you are a little bit less than a ‘just enougher’ at the best of times, being away from your baby makes keeping your supply up harder. I wish I’d asked my GP for domperidone sooner. It’s not for everyone, but really helped me.
The other thing that I hated, but helped me, was power pumping (google it and be introduced to a whole new world!) every evening. I felt like a cow, I hated it, but it really helped. I did pump at work, but the little portable pumps had nothing on the big hospital grade pump I hired from Baby on the Move.
Sleep: I researched so much when I was pregnant about getting your baby to sleep. But you know what? He hasn’t turned out like the manual said!
Totally I could get sleep consultants in or sleep train him. But I just can’t. There is nothing more delicious than knowing that he just wants to be near us… except when he just won’t go to bloody sleep at 3 in the morning!
For us, safe co-sleeping (google it for instructions) has been a lifesaver. That allows us to get sleep, but not leave him to cry it out.
I had him in a side car, right next to the bed from birth and when he grew out of that he basically moved to a routine of starting the night in his cot and sometime around midnight he wakes up, and we bring him into our bed.
Co-sleeping is lovely. It also helps with mum guilt, because I feel like at least he is getting me at nights during the week.
Probably the only advice I have here is that we put Ethan in his cot for some time every day from when he was born. So, the cot has never been a new scary place for him.
Practically speaking that means I can put Ethan to sleep in his cot and work in the evenings, rather than him needing me all the time.
Morning Routines: The most surprising logistical challenge in the early months was short wake windows. For us, having our son at home in those early days with either family, dad or a nanny when I headed into work was a lifesaver.
If you’re booking daycare, consider how far away it is. I’d make sure it’s close to home, if possible, because I’m not sure how we would have got out the door with him not having to have an interrupted nap otherwise.
Rebuilding Yourself Physically
Probably the hardest thing, but the thing I’m most thankful for was finding ways to rebuild my strength and muscle mass after pregnancy.
I needed an emergency c-section, which resulted in a lot of late night searching on Instagram for advice. I don’t think I did things perfectly, but here’s what I did.
I rested in the beginning. Like actually just focused on looking after Ethan while lying in bed or sitting on our couch. Then I started going to Unity Studios post-natal exercise classes from five weeks (I can’t recommend them enough!). Then at around 4 months I started doing regular reformer Pilates classes with Unity and at 9 months I started doing EMS at Funis to really get my muscles humming.
Pregnancy shortens and lengths muscles all over the place and I thought of recovering post-pregnancy like I was rehabbing an injury (and I did actually have a hip injury after pregnancy anyway).
All through this year I’ve also been riding my e-bike to and from work. A great hack to combine exercise with my commute as a two-for-one.
Clothes
Ok this one might be niche. But I have bought sooo many clothes this year as my body changed and I made some really bad decisions early on. I think I just couldn’t quite wrap my head around dressing my three-month post-partum body for work and pumping, and panicked.
I wish I’d just stuck to a pair of pants that fit me in the moment and swapping tops out. In the end I landed on a phenomenal pair of Tanya Carlson pants that I’ve had taken in a few times as I’ve changed.
You Do You and Tell Judgement To Fuck Off
I felt like I got a fair amount of judgment during pregnancy about how quickly I was coming back. Including some lovely men of a certain vintage telling me I wouldn’t be back or women telling me: "they were sure I’d feel differently once I meet my son".
But once he arrived people seemed to shut up. Maybe they judge me behind my back. But I don’t feel guilty for going back to work. In the balance of our life, it was the right thing to do. So ultimately the best advice I have is if you’re feeling torn or unsure, trust yourself. There’s no single right way to do this.
And finally, if the above makes life post-baby seem like a breeze all the time. Please be assured there have been plenty of times I’ve messed the juggle up, felt out of control and really wanted more sleep.
Oh, and my only regret in all this… agreeing to do a work photo shoot when I was four months post-partum. But, who does that!? You’ll be smarter than me on that front.